How are you today I recall my friend asking? What I wanted to say was that I am so tired, I feel like I am not doing enough, being enough and the guilt, I feel guilty all of the time for not being with my children all of the time”. However, I responded, I am great, so busy but we are great”. It’s too raw to be completely honest when everyone else appears to be doing great.
I know I chose to be a working mum and acknowledge that was my choice but boy in hindsight I do not know how I did it all. I sacrificed to have it all.
My friend goes on to tell me about having to run as she was getting her hair done, in my head I am thinking OMG please don’t look at my hair, my regrowth looks horrendous and how could I let myself go?
Parenting is tough, amazing, rewarding and I wouldn’t change a thing except asking for more help when I needed it and when it was feeling too much, finding something to break the circuit without feeling guilty, inadequate or weak. Why couldn’t I go and get my hair done? Why didn’t I make time for myself? Those small hours of time out for some self-care, I know now would have made the world of difference to my self-worth but I didn’t want to ask for help.
I am so thrilled to see and hear some of the most revered woman in the spotlight come out and say we are not super woman and we can’t have it all, without sacrifice. I tried to be that super woman and I reckon I was pretty damn good at it but after too many years trying to do it all and be all came the consequences of burn out and simply fed up.
In the years leading up to being utterly fed up, I worked like I didn’t have children and parented like I didn’t work. The fall out was that I hadn’t been alone with my husband, for about eight years, lost contact with so many friends, put on weight and my health was really suffering. Prior to having my most precious children I looked after myself and put time in to my relationships which I valued so much but those three things were the sacrifice of trying to have it all and trying to be everything to all.
My career was taking off right about the time I fell pregnant with my first child. I remember vividly the pull between becoming a mum for the first time and having to leave my career. Once my baby came along, the love is like nothing I had ever experienced. The career was far from my mind until the 12 months of maternity leave had expired and I had to go back to work. We were a young family and I needed to work for financial reasons but it didn’t take long before I was seduced back in to the Corporate world however this time it was very different, my heart was torn.
I had an incredible career, nominated for accolades, promotions, wined and dined and loved what I was doing. My incredibly supportive husband inadvertently became Mr Mum whilst I dove deeper into my work. By this time we had two beautiful children who I loved fiercely.
Over about 5 years I remember sitting with my best friends who I had known forever and feeling so disconnected, worn and isolated from my life and it dawned on me that whilst I thought I was a great job of trying to be superwoman, I had neglected the things that mattered the most. My friends, my family and myself. It was a revelation that led me to where I am today and boy can I tell you what I know for sure is that woman are incredible, strong with an ability to handle so much as long as you look make deliberate decisions to look after yourself, physically, emotionally and mentally.
It’s Not Selfish to Make Yourself a Priority. If you feel guilty about self-care, know this: Taking care of yourself isn’t a luxury-it’s an essential part of being a good mum.
We live in a state of constant change. Whether or not we’re paying attention, the process is always happening. Even people who can’t see it in themselves witness change daily in their children or in others around them.
Life is about recalibrating. About continually asking yourself: “What do I have to do to get where I need to be?” “How do I create the life I want?”
When you need “time out” for yourself or with your partner/husband/girl friends call Cherished Cherubs on 0417 927 525.