Read ‘Conscious Mother’ A Simple Guide to Mothering with Self-Awareness, Authenticity, Confidence and Connectedness by Perth psychologist Kirstin Bouse and you will know you are unique, and you already have it in you to be the best parent you can be.
There were some pivotal quotes that Perth psychologist Kirstin Bouse made in her new book. I want to share them in case they also resonate with you today, and you will see why I love her take on parenting.
- Parents focus on what they can do for their child. If we focus on what we can do well, we will raise our children better. As a mother connects more deeply with herself, reflects on who she is and what is important, she becomes more present and attuned to her child. In tune with herself, she stops projecting her stuff onto them. That is a Conscious Mother.
- The most significant story that influences my beliefs and experience of motherhood is the one I attach to my mother’s stories. Regardless of my experience of being mothered I embody some of the mothering qualities I want, possess some I do not want (and can choose not to use) and there are others I aspire to have.
- The decision to return to work or not, is nobody’s business but my own. Being aware of the reasons why I made the decision is important to keep me grounded, particularly in the face of criticism.
- The media sets ridiculous benchmarks that NO mother can measure up to without significant cost to her or those she loves.
- It is politically incorrect to have a strong desire for a particular gender, so it is often not talked about. There are many reasons for gender disappointment, and it is important to give voice to whatever that may be.
- A child’s personality and the relationship that I create with them when they are young, will determine the relationship I have with them when I’m old.
- When you become a mother, you behave as you think a mother should. This may not align with how your partner thinks a mother should behave. And the same goes for your partner and your expectations of them. It is important to have these discussions early, but it is never too late.
- It is possible to get time to yourself and to yourselves as a couple. The first step in that though, is to give yourself permission to actually do it. If you do not wish to leave your child, explore where that belief comes from, and if you really wish to keep it.
- The parental unit will make parenting so much easier. It is bringing two individuals with their individual beliefs together and create a set of values for the third entity. Conversations about feeding, co-sleeping, day care, discipline, chores, level of independence, and the list goes on, will make parenting more conducive and less frictional.
- People focus on the difficult stage or behaviour of a child. Typically, they do not think why those stages or behaviours are challenging. Is it the child with a particular need, the environment, or the buttons they push within ourselves that make it most difficult?
I could go on about this book forever, and I feel the above small anecdotes do not not give it enough credit. But I recommend every parent to be, new parent, those that have been parenting for years and caregivers to all grab a copy for themselves and not only read but use this book. It will be the best gift for yourself and others.
This book makes parenting easier; it reduces the pressures we put on ourselves and on others through some self-reflection and many practical exercises.
Permission has been sought from Kirstin Bouse to use these quotes. It is available through the website http://theconsciousmother.com.au/the-book/