Everyone wants to ‘fit in’ and be liked. As a parent we love it when our children have nice friends to play with. What about when they don’t seem to develop any close friendships, or worse still are rejected by groups? Does that mean we don’t have lovely kids, or are the others just not nice?
Having faced this situation with a child recently I researched and found that there are certain behaviours that make children more susceptible to being on the ‘outer’.
- Children do not welcome behaviour that is aggressive, either physical or verbal. Children that instil fear, intimidation and bullying are not invited to play and join in.
- A child that is bossy has confidence, energy and ideas and wants everyone to do things their way. This can be interpreted as self-centred and others prefer not to engage.
- Comedians are funny, and popular, but it takes a certain level of wit and expertise in order for the humour to be seen as funny. For those that get humour wrong, they can be seen as annoying, and ‘stupid’, and hence be ignored or made fun of.
- Bad Sports are the ones that are very competitive and become upset when things don’t go their way. They can cheat and play dirty in order to get the outcome they desire. They spoil the fun for the children around them.
- The timid ones, the ones that don’t buy into any drama, the ones that don’t have a lot to say or sit on the fence when challenged for an opinion, or are shy are often left out, as people do not get to know them.
Once we understand the off-putting behaviour, as parents and carers we need to work out how to help the child recognise the own behaviour and then decide how to manage this.
No child deserves to be rejected. We can and should encourage children to be kind and tolerant of others, but the world can be cruel, so minimising the risk of rejection at a young age will help a child develop to their potential. Reference for this blog: https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/growing-friendships/201110/is-your-child-inviting-rejection/comments
For further information check out our preferred writer Eileen Kennedy-Moore Ph.D. who has written various blog articles:
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